wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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