His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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