I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
