the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
