I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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