i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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