Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
