so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
