consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
