the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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