Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
