Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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