I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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