I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
