whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
