So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
