he wants to bone in the snuggie
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
