I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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