i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so let's talk penis.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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