xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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