would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize