So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
