Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
