I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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