I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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