When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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