I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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