There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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