I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
