If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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