you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
