i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
