Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
