I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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