some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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