I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
