Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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