apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am naked and annoyed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
