Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
