I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I understand Curling. That high.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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