They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
