he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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