omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
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I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
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i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
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