i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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