I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
