ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
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Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
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fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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