So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
