Got a toothbrush?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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