found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
