I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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