so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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