Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
