How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
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my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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