Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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