I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just puked most of my soul out..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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