If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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