he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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