Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
