Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think people are normalizing furries
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
