So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
