It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
