My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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