you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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