did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
