I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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