i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
