so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
