This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Randomize
