I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
