Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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