Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tornado booty call.. dedication
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize