i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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