I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
