So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
