My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
