is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
