All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
