I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
