yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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