OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
