super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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