so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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