New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
