you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
