accomplished twins. life is a go
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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