Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
