im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
