If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
